Love and Marriage

Mr. Kimura, one of my favorite English teachers, got hitched over the weekend and he invited me to his reception.

It was much like the wedding receptions I have been to in the States. People got up to make speeches. People had dinner. The parents of the bride and groom were honored. A slew of cheesy love songs, ones you'd hear at any wedding in the States, played over the dinner conversation.

There were some odd things as well. Well, not odd--just different from what I have seen before. For example, there was no ceremony. Well, no ceremony that the guests saw at least. We skipped the whole wedding and went right to the party. When I asked about the ceremony, I was told that couples pick a day and go get their marriage registered at the city hall and that's the "marriage". I have a feeling there's something more to it, but I couldn't get it out of the teacher I was sitting next to. She did add that in Japan it isn't just the bride and groom who get married, but also the families of the bride and groom "get married." I've been having fun reading into that comment.

Megumi is also a teacher. She's a kindergarten teacher as a matter of fact, so the guests consisted mainly of educators. The principal of our school got up and gave a speech. The vice principals gave toasts. And typical of Japanese parties, guests got up and milled about, pouring drinks for co-workers and acquaintances. A few of the teachers at my table were miffed about how much people were walking around. I got the idea that it was acceptable, but happened more at this wedding than most. People kept making comments about how you could tell the bride and groom were teachers and the reception was much like a work party.

The families of the happy couple were seated at the back of the hall and I thought that was strange. So, I asked about that too. The answer I got was that the families had invited us, the guests, so they put us at the best tables. Very Japanese.

I was sat with the English teachers and was a bit surprised when I was told we'd be getting up to preform a dance. I was told this as Megumi's co-workers got up and started preforming a dance with pom-poms. Why people do "performances" at wedding receptions in Japan, I just don't know. Sometimes I just don't get things here, but I have no choice but to go along for the ride. So, I stood, along with the other female teachers behind two male teachers wearing red dresses and strange red felt hats in the shape of beans, and was copy their choreographed dance. In the end we just kind of stood there watching, being lame. I'm sure I would have felt entirely stupid being up on stage not doing anything at any other wedding, but I felt so out of my element that I didn't care. I had no idea what was coming next.

The second shock of the evening came when the emcee for the night approached me and told me that I'd be giving the "table speech". One person from every table there got up and said a few words to the bride and groom. I guess Mr. K chose me to represent the English crew. I was touched that he picked me, but it would have been nice to have known in advance so I could have said something good. Instead, I said whatever popped into my head at the moment and felt bad about it because it wasn't really as heart-felt as I would have liked.

Another thing I found strange was that during the reception, people were approaching the couple and having their pictures taken with them. I went up to say congratulations, but I chose not to be in a photo with them. I did notice that they hadn't touched their food. They were probably too nervous, too overwhelmed, too busy to enjoy themselves.

There was a wedding cake and about a half an hour into the reception, they cut it. People stood and took photos, but it was never handed out. I got the impression that the whole process was entirely a photo opportunity, nothing more. It may not have been a real cake. Now, that was weird.

Guests to Japanese weddings give gifts of money. The typical amount is 3 man en, which is just about three hundred bucks. I couldn't understand, after hearing about this and preparing my envelope, that I didn't see anywhere to put it. I asked what I should do with it several times but the teachers I asked all seemed at a loss too. They didn't have envelopes. This has left me puzzled. In the end, on the way out, I handed it to Mr. Kimura.

Guests also receive a gift for attending the party. I had heard about how lavish these presents were, so I was excited to see what was in my box when I got home. I got a box full of cookies and cakes and a CATALOG from which I can choose ANYTHING my heart desires! I had to take some pictures of the book because it's so random.

I could go horseback riding if I chose to.

I could get a facial.

I could get a string of pearls.

Or a tea set.

I'm probably going to get this ring, though.

That was my Japanese wedding experience. It was fun and random and great.